Things I need to say

“Remember when I used to visit you at the hospital?
You always said to me
‘don’t worry, dear, I’ll come back home.’
You broke your promise.”

I ran a hand trough my hair. For once it was loose, blowing in the wind. Just how you liked it.

“Years after everyone else has cried, I…
There were so many people dying that night,
Why did you have to go?
You weren’t even dying!”

I kicked a nearby rock and sent it flying several feet in the air.

“It feels terrible, you know.
Knowing that you’re never coming back…
It’s starting to sink in now, can you believe it?
Years after… I had to be the odd one again, I guess.
That’s what we were; the odd ones.”

I tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob.

“You and I, both obsessed with our clouds…
I find it hard to look at them these days.”

A sigh.

“I guess you’re not very proud of me, are you?
I’m a mess nowadays…
Anyway, I should get going. It’s getting late.”

I shuffled my feet trough the grass, reluctant to leave but out if things to say.

“Well, bye.”

I awkwardly turn around and start to walk away. But I stop after only a few feet. As I stood there, a gentle wind blowing in my face, it scrunched up and my eyes filled up with tears.

“Fuck you.” I hiss. I turn around and start yelling.

“I need you! I fucking need you NOW! Can’t you see that? No one does, apparently. I miss you! I miss you so much and it hurts and I want it to stop!” I let myself cry, barely registering the flood of salty tears running down my cheeks.

“I NEED YOU! I MISS YOU! I LOVE YOU! FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING!! I HATE YOU! YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE! YOU DIDN’T COME BACK! YOU LIED!!! I HATE YOU!” I was yelling at the top of my voice, my fists balled against my sides. I could feel my nails digging little moons into my palms.

“I miss you.” I said, barely louder than a whisper. I sat down on the ground, defeated.